Letting Go

A Meditation to provide support to the dying person by giving them permission to die.

An effective method of giving permission is to meditate and visualise yourself standing by the dying person, telling them you love them, but will be OK without them and they have your permission to pass on. Sogyal Rinpoche in the Tibetan Book of Living & Dying suggests saying the following words to the person you are visualizing with the deepest and most sincere tenderness:

“I am here with you and I love you. You are dying, that is completely natural; it happens to everyone. I wish you could stay here with me, but I don’t want you to suffer any more. The time we had together has been enough, and I shall always cherish it. Please now don’t hold on to life any longer. Let go. I give you my full and heartfelt permission to die. You are not alone, now or ever. You have all my love.”

Source: Rinpoche, S, 1998. The Tibetan Book of Living & Dying. Rider. London.

Comeditation

An ideal vehicle for nurturing the person’s body, emotions and spirit. The exhalation of old air clears the lungs of both parties and the sound made on exhalation is a key to the recipient being able to let go. The recipient’s mind is freed because the facilitator holds the link between the body function and awareness. As the body tensions relax, muscular-skeletal distortions that cause pain relax. In the last stage of dying the lungs can fill up causing congestive heart failure. Practicing co-meditation relaxes the person, thus slowing their oxygen need. It therefore helps the person to die in peace and with dignity, without drugs or euthanasia. The supportive and compassionate presence of another person helps the dying person loosen their grip on life and be ready to die when the time comes.

It is preferable for the patient to lie flat while doing this meditation. The partner sits beside the patient, close enough to see the patient’s breath and for the patient to easily hear what is being said. Pause as long as necessary between phrases:

"Close your eyes and take one or two deep breaths and sigh them out.
Bring your attention to the tips of your toes and imagine that they are relaxing.
Feel the relaxtion moving through your feet to heels and into your ankles.
Feel the relaxation moving up you calves and into your knees.
Your thighs are beginning to relax. Feel the relaxation move into your hips.
Notice how the lower part of your body feels light and easy.

Let the ease move into your abdomen and then into your heart and chest.
Feel the relaxation move into your neck.
Your chin is relaxing. Your mouth is relaxing. Your nose and eyes are relaxing.
The space between your eyes is relaxing.
Imagine the relaxation moving over the top of your head, down the back of your head, down your neck.
Feel your shoulders relax and be aware of the relaxation moving down your arms into your hands and fingers.
Take a moment to enjoy the feeling of all the muscles in your body working together in harmony with no tightness, no tension.

I am now going to make the universal sound of letting go. As you exhale, I will say "ahhh".
Would you like to say this with me? [If yes, ask the patient to aspirate ahhh for 4-6 times and then ask them to remain silent, listening to the sound of your voice]
Each time you exhale imagine all your anger, fear and sadness leaving your body.
“Ahhh” What a relief it is to let them go.
[Carefully watch the patient’s chest or abdomen, whenever the breath is more apparent, rise with each in-breath. As the patient exhales, say ahhh, drawing the sound out to match the length if the breath. Continue for some time, whatever is comfortable for you or the patient.]

Notice how light your body feels.
Notice the well-being that has replaced the anger, fear and sadness.
When you open your eyes, the pleasant feeling of letting go will remain with you throughout the day, and whenever the anger rises again, take a couple of deep breaths and say ahhh, releasing all negativity.
Now you become aware of your surroundings again. Open your eyes when you feel ready."

Comeditation can be combined with any other treatment and can complement them. Like all medication and treatment, comeditation must be done regularly and for an appropriate period to achieve the most benefit. It is recommended that it be done for a minimum of twenty minutes about 4 times a day. Through the final stages of dying it may be done for several hours, or as the patient desires.

Source: Ko-I Bastis, M, 2000. Peaceful Dwelling. Tuttle Publishing. Boston