Unfinished Business

Enables people who are dying to achieve a more peaceful death by releasing feelings of anxiety, guilt, regret and depression about the “unfinished business” they will leave behind when communication is blocked or difficult.

1. Begin with setting a strong intention that you are willing to bring up and face, work through and then let go of negative thoughts and feelings you have around another person.

2. Visualize the person in front of you with whom you have the problem. You visualize this person as being open to hearing what you have to say and then you tell them about the problem, your feelings, your hurt, your regret, and anything else you need to say that you haven’t said before.

3. At the end of the visualisation, write down all that you said in the meditation and then immediately write what you imagine the other person’s response to you would be. The intent is to write spontaneously, allowing the other person, in their ‘open’ state, to express completely their side of the problem. The dialogue can be continued in this way for as long as necessary, until all has been said and you truly feel able to forgive the other person (or they forgive you).

4. Then visualise the person turning away and leaving, while you retain the feelings of goodwill, love and any other memories (good and bad) that you may have of that person.

5. If writing is difficult, the whole dialogue may be visualized. For situations where the lingering hurt or resentment is not too deep, it may be sufficient just to bring the person to mind in the meditation and then silently acknowledge them and say: “I forgive you. Whatever you have done to me in the past, whatever you have done to others, whatever it was you meant to do, I forgive you.” Repeat this as necessary.

Source:
Reoch, R, 1997. Dying Well – A Holistic Guide for the Dying and Their Carers. A Hodder & Stoughton Book. Australia.
Rinpoche, S, 1998. The Tibetan Book of Living & Dying. Rider. London.

Phowa

Ideally perform this at the moment of death to help the dying person let go. Healing for both the sender and the receiver and is very simple to do.

To do phowa it is not necessary to be in the dying person’s presence.

Visualize the highest source of love or the embodiment of whatever truth you, or the dying person, believe in (e.g. God, Jesus, Buddha, angels, Divine Source, enlightened beings) as a bright orb of radiant light above them.

Then, focusing on the loving presence you have invoked, request forgiveness for yourself, or for the dying person. The following simple words can be used (substitute “I” with the person’s name, if done for someone else):

For all the harm I have done to others, knowingly or unknowingly, forgive me.
For all the harm others have done to me, knowingly or unknowingly, I forgive you as much as I can.
For all the harm I have done myself, knowingly or unknowingly, I forgive myself.

Then imagine that the source of love is so touched by your, or the dying person’s, heartfelt remorse that love and compassion stream in rays of light stream down from the presence and fill your body, or the dying person’s.

Imagine your body being suffused with love and light, completely cleansing and purifying of anything that causes suffering, negative emotions or karma.

Cleansed and healed, visualize your body, or the dying person’s body, dissolving into the light that fills it. Eventually nothing remains but a body of light.

Finally, imagine the body of light rising up and merging blissfully with the radiant source of love, light and healing above it, until nothing is left but love.

Visualize this state of oneness for as long as possible.

[If the dying person knows you are doing this meditation for them, it can be a great source of comfort.]

Sources:
Ko-I Bastis, M, 2000. Peaceful Dwelling. Tuttle Publishing. Boston
Reoch, R, 1997. Dying Well – A Holistic Guide for the Dying and Their Carers. A Hodder & Stoughton Book. Australia.
Rinpoche, S, 1998. The Tibetan Book of Living & Dying. Rider. London.